Navigating Support After Opening Up at Home

In alignment with SAMHIN’s mission to foster open dialogue about mental health within the South Asian community and highlight the meaningful contributions of those advancing this work, we invited Aanya Jajoo again to share her thoughts and experiences about what happens after a conversation about mental health is started within a South Asian family. If you missed her insightful post about starting such a conversation, you can read the post now.

Starting a conversation about mental health is often described as the hardest step. But for many people, what comes after can feel just as complicated. There may be relief in finally saying something out loud, followed by confusion or disappointment when the response doesn’t feel as supportive as hoped. It’s common to wonder whether opening up actually helped, or why feeling understood still feels out of reach.

Research suggests that support depends less on the act of sharing and more on how that sharing is received. Feeling supported is closely tied to whether the other person feels emotionally attuned and responsive, rather than quick to worry or offer solutions (Scharf & Shulman, 2016). When expectations and responses don’t align, it’s possible to feel alone even after speaking up. This doesn’t mean families don’t care. It reflects how vulnerable conversations can expose differences in emotional comfort and communication.

After opening up, many people hope for reassurance or steady emotional presence. Instead, parents may respond by trying to “fix” the issue, minimizing the concern, or becoming visibly anxious themselves. These reactions can feel dismissive, especially when it took courage to be vulnerable. Yet family responses are often shaped by caregivers’ own beliefs and comfort with mental health. When parents feel uncertain or unfamiliar with these conversations, their attempts at support may unintentionally miss the emotional need being expressed (Gaysina et al., 2022). Care can be present without fully being felt.

Part of this disconnect also reflects differences in how support is expressed. In many South Asian families, care may not be communicated through explicit emotional validation. Instead of long conversations about feelings, support might show up through practical help, advice meant to protect, or encouragement to stay busy and grounded. Research on cultural differences in social support suggests that some families avoid direct emotional discussions not because they lack care, but because those conversations can feel uncomfortable or burdensome (Kim et al., 2008). Recognizing this difference does not mean lowering your needs. It simply helps explain why support may look unfamiliar.

When support doesn’t land the way it’s needed, clarity can help. Emotional closeness tends to strengthen when expectations are made more explicit (Scharf & Shulman, 2016). This might mean saying, “I’m not looking for solutions right now, I just need you to listen,” or “It would help to check in with me again next week.” Asking for what you need isn’t about forcing change. It’s about reducing guesswork in a moment that already feels vulnerable.

At the same time, family members may not always be able to provide consistent emotional support. Many South Asian individuals seek support from friends, community spaces, or mental health professionals when family conversations feel limited (Prajapati & Liebling, 2021). Doing so is not a rejection of family or culture. It is often a way of caring for yourself while preserving important relationships.

Opening up about mental health is rarely a single turning point. Families can hold care and discomfort at the same time, and change often happens gradually (Corrigan et al., 2024). Starting the conversation mattered. What comes after may take time. Both can be true.

References

Corrigan, P. W., Bink, A. B., Fokuo, J. K., & Schmidt, A. (2024). Negotiating familial mental illness stigma: A qualitative study. PLOS ONE, 19(1), e0311170. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0311170

Gaysina, D., Fox, F., Richards, M., & Kuh, D. (2022). Perceived mental illness stigma among family members and friends of young adults with depression. BMC Psychiatry, 22, Article 194. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-022-03754-0

Kim, H. S., Sherman, D. K., & Taylor, S. E. (2008). Culture and social support. American Psychologist, 63(6), 518–526. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.63.6.518

Prajapati, R., & Liebling, H. (2021). Accessing mental health services: A systematic review and meta-ethnography of the experiences of South Asian service users in the UK. Journal of Racial and Ethnic Health Disparities, 8, 598–613. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40615-021-00993-x

Scharf, M., & Shulman, S. (2016). Self-disclosure to parents in emerging adulthood and its association with relationship quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 33(6), 788–806. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407516640603

Aanya JajooBy Aanya Jajoo
Aanya Jajoo (she/her) is a graduate student in mental health counseling at Teachers College, Columbia University. Her clinical interests include adolescent and family therapy, intergenerational trauma, and culturally responsive mental health care. She is a dedicated SAMHIN volunteer.

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