From Heartbreak to Hope

Life’s surprises encompass moments of joy and heartache. This blog post explores our family’s personal story of heartbreak to hope.

Life is short, and I live by the mantra of enjoying every moment. However, when I found myself widowed at 37, I couldn’t believe it was real. It was something I never expected to happen. We were supposed to outlive our elders, at the very least. Instead, I found myself cremating my husband at a young age.

For months after Ranbir’s passing, I felt like I was in a dream. The days that followed his death were filled with activity, yet they felt empty. I was not only grieving the loss of my husband but also the roles of being a parent and spouse that were now gone.

Suddenly, I was cast into the role of a “widow” and a “solo parent.” The question became, “Who am I now?” While I still felt like the same person, my roles within the family, community, and everyday life had changed significantly.

As I began to process the loss of my husband, Ranbir, I realized there were only two choices for me: crawl into bed and fall into a deep depression or focus on our beautiful memories, take good care of my kids, and maintain a sense of normalcy for them.

So, I chose to fight through my emotions and strive to feel better again. My goal was to regain strength and vitality, transforming the pain of losing my husband into everlasting memories. I realized I needed to live life on my terms, doing the things that brought real happiness and normalcy to my kids and me.

The first year was a significant milestone for me. Once I got through it, I felt like I didn’t have to constantly look back. Today, it has been seven years since the loss, and I can now look forward to what I can do with what I have left. I asked myself, “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?” I want to do something meaningful in addition to raising my kids with pride and giving them the love of both parents.

That’s why I decided to help others who are enduring the same pain. I now run a support group for survivors of suicide loss, just like myself, and provide comfort to them while finding solace in their stories.

Suicide Survivor Support Group Stories

Read the stories of two suicide survivors.

Tanvir Sadhar

Hello, my name is Tanvir Sadhar, and I have suffered the loss of a loved one to suicide. My father was a good guy and a loving father, but he had his demons, just like everyone else. He tried to work on his mental health, but his coping mechanisms weren’t the greatest. Dealing with mental illness made life challenging for him, and we all faced numerous hurdles as a result.

There were times when I couldn’t see him for a while, or when I looked at him and felt like he wasn’t the same person. When I first heard the news that he had taken his life, I couldn’t accept that it was true. How was I, a ten-year-old boy, supposed to suddenly live without a father, without understanding that he would never come back? There were moments when I desperately wanted to know why, but I realized that if I fixated on the whys and hows, I would never have the chance to continue making him proud. Life without him certainly has its struggles, but keeping his memory alive within us is an essential part of how my mom, sister, and I cope. Every holiday and birthday we make sure to do something to remember him. My mom has been an incredible support throughout, being both a mother and a father to us.

Losing a loved one is incredibly challenging, but keeping their memory alive after their passing is the greatest tribute you can offer and a way to help yourself through the grieving process.

Mehek

Hello, my name is Mehek, and I lost my dad to suicide when I was three years old. I don’t have many memories of him, except for going to Chuck E. Cheese or the pizza place and eating ice cream. He used to get mad when I touched his music studio stuff.

Even though he is no longer here, we remember him on holidays like Father’s Day and Christmas. We do the things he would have loved, like visiting guitar shops or enjoying ice cream. We also perform good deeds, such as donating to charities in his name. We celebrate him in many creative ways.

Living without him hasn’t been easy, but we’ve adapted and managed. I give a lot of credit to my mother for playing both roles. Even though my brother and I don’t have a dad, and my mom doesn’t have her husband, we still make it work without him.

Life is fleeting and demands our attention. We lost our loved one to suicide, but we have learned resilience, growth, and love. We treasure each moment, celebrate his life, and support each other. Our journey guides us to seize opportunities, love intensely, and make a lasting impact. We remember and move forward, honoring his legacy with gratitude, purpose, and a strong bond.

By Shikha Sadhar
SAMHIN Volunteer, Janani Support Group

Feature image by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash